Its 1974... I am 14 and going to a farmer's house... a family friend... My father asked me to visit them so I started off in the morning. Took a train and went to a place called Canning in extreme south of West Bengal... yet to be developed... yet to have proper roads!
It was a 3hour journey... I reached there around 2.30PM. From there I took a launch... after 1 hour I thought yeah I have reached the destination but wait... it was just the beginning! There I came to know that my destination is 20kms away and the only way I can reach there is by walking... damn... walking 20kms in this West Bengal summer... it can freak out anyone!
I had no other option but to walk... there was no one around... my eyes reached the horizon and could find not even a dead plant! It was an open ground... within 15mins I find myself in the middle of nowhere and then... things started to get creepy... it was like someone is behind me... I kept on looking at the back and saw nothing... 5PM, 1 and half hours of walking and sun has started to set .
All this time I was walking at an amazing pace.. never before had I walked so quickly and now I started to walk faster but the sun was faster than me... 5.30PM... 2hrs of walking and I had no idea how much was left... the sun is gone, I see nothing in front of me and as I walk I start to hear noises... as if someone is walking behind me, a group of people following... I looked back and saw nothing. Now I realised that I haven't bought anything that will produce light... it was scary... I didn't know if I am going the right way... I didn't know if I would reach there!
I decided to keep walking straight... with no light every step was a question... is someone following me? Am I going in the right direction? What if I am lost? What if I don't get there? But to my rescue I started to see some lights... far away... it was close to the horizon! I was a bit relieved that I am going to reach somewhere.
After few minutes I found myself walking across a lake... it was dark and there were strange noises... just when I thought my worst fears are gone, a cool breeze started... it made noises and I was feeling like I have been destined to come here... I have been controlled by someone and brought here and now I will be the specimen of a horrifying lab test! I kept my nerves and started to run... I wasn't able to as I have already walked for some close to 3hrs!
Fighting all those moments I made it close to a township... and just when it seemed that I made it... I heard a voice... someone calling my name from behind... he was the head of the family... the family I had to meet! The horrifying experience was over after 3 and half hours of walking but the fear still stayed in my mind. I told my story to the family and they explained me what exactly happened to me!
When I was walking the sun was setting so the shadows was longer. My eyes could see a bit of the shadow and the brain made an image of it... sadly it made image from some horror story I heard before. After sunset... there was no sound and I was walking on recently cut crops... which made the sound and as there was feeling of loneliness... the sound seemed to have been coming from all directions! While I was walking across the lake, the sounds came from fishes swimming... I was in so much fear that I couldn't think of that possibility! The other sound was due to movement of dry leaves by the cool breeze!
Everything has a reason... you just need to find it out!
Inspired by a real life incident told to me by my father... I made many changes to it but the concept was similar!
I decided to keep walking straight... with no light every step was a question... is someone following me? Am I going in the right direction? What if I am lost? What if I don't get there? But to my rescue I started to see some lights... far away... it was close to the horizon! I was a bit relieved that I am going to reach somewhere.
After few minutes I found myself walking across a lake... it was dark and there were strange noises... just when I thought my worst fears are gone, a cool breeze started... it made noises and I was feeling like I have been destined to come here... I have been controlled by someone and brought here and now I will be the specimen of a horrifying lab test! I kept my nerves and started to run... I wasn't able to as I have already walked for some close to 3hrs!
Fighting all those moments I made it close to a township... and just when it seemed that I made it... I heard a voice... someone calling my name from behind... he was the head of the family... the family I had to meet! The horrifying experience was over after 3 and half hours of walking but the fear still stayed in my mind. I told my story to the family and they explained me what exactly happened to me!
When I was walking the sun was setting so the shadows was longer. My eyes could see a bit of the shadow and the brain made an image of it... sadly it made image from some horror story I heard before. After sunset... there was no sound and I was walking on recently cut crops... which made the sound and as there was feeling of loneliness... the sound seemed to have been coming from all directions! While I was walking across the lake, the sounds came from fishes swimming... I was in so much fear that I couldn't think of that possibility! The other sound was due to movement of dry leaves by the cool breeze!
Everything has a reason... you just need to find it out!
Inspired by a real life incident told to me by my father... I made many changes to it but the concept was similar!
14 comments:
OMG Suki...never knew you had such a hidden talent in you.. I must say that was a stunner..I never felt you could be so good at writing..and your imaginations are astonishing..As I went about reading the blog..I got this feeling..as in..I am reading a cultured author's piece of work..Everything went absolutely fine except for one thing..that I must say is the way you ended the blog..It dint seem to give that triffling amounts of ending touch..which should have been a bit slower..it felt as if there was an exponential decay in your blog all of a sudden..anyways..since this is your first paranormal blog..you have done a brilliant job..looking forward to best of your works..
Guess I will be seeing you as "Suki, The writer"[:D]
For the whole part of horror story, I was wondering how come you was just 14 in 1974.. Good you clarified finally
And yeah.. mammu said correctly.. Seems you was too scared to delay the end :d
WONDERFULLY CARVED STORY
IT AROUSED THE FEELING OF WATCHING IT IN REAL MOTION
ONLY DISSPOINTMENT WASSTORY ENDED SUDDENLY WHEN READERS WERE AT THE HEIGHT OF EXCITEMENT, :)
..
All in all good one with scope of doing better.
LOST IN
Always told u........ have never seen an article writer like u.....
ur articles, stories, blog posts or anything u write wid words.... dosent only hold a message but they have all the ingredients to keep readers bound......
theres never a dull moment in ur writeups...... and suki.,.... u rock at fiction too.,......
lets see if u can produce a love story though.....
if u try it, do make it an adventurus one... with loads of drama[:p] perfect bollywood movie types[:p]
My comments may seem illogical, but its my thoughts on ur story.
If u have written it just for the sake of writing a short story at someone's request, then the story is good, concept is good, narration style is good!!
But if u intend to take it to higher level, here are few loopholes:
1> It's 1974, i'm 14, authors generally get into past details, when they have to relate it to something which happened at that era or in comparison to their present. In ur case, it was a plain statement, of which age was needed to make mental setup of kid and 1974 may be for transport systems! You could had related mindset of then 14 yr kid and present 25 yr man or something else.
2> Description is missing. In Train journey you could have added talks with few people which caused the fear to creep in your mind.
3> The end happened way too early !! its a "very" short story !
But i actually like the way you provided reasoning behind each and every fear (sounds at open area, sounds near lake) you encountered !!
Good read !! nicely written !!
Nice!
First Thing:
Contrasting End=))
I was certainly not expecting an ending like this:P
Horror:
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm,
well,given the situation,u were sucessful to an extent,could have been better!
But for a Start,its Good!
Overall,its a little short,ended very quickly!
I had no idea that people would have actually wanted to read it in details!!!
I know I messed up the ending... that was to keep things short!
Suki u have done good job but there is possibility of lots of improvement.
but nice work:)
Nice attempt!
Neat and simple.
You thought well.
You imagined well.
However,dont you think you need to let yourself flow a bit more?
Explain a bit more n may be imagine a bit more...
You could talk about seeing strange people....their appearances...animals...may be a wounded horse running.....the weather...lightining...a horrified man...a naked child....shoutings..a woman in a palanquin ..tacky clothings...things that are unpleasnt.. to make the picture a bit more horrified n intense!
Just,add more spice..Increase the tension n hold.... :P
I liked your honesty reflected in the line..."Everything exists for a reason." :)....but,an alternative ending where u leave things as a mystery could be done nicely too....try that second time...fight with your thoughts! It could bring out exciting results!
Keep it up Suki! I see myself in you!
muah muah...Besties! :)
Nice work done suki..i liked d plot.
in d end d way every thing is nicely xplained..though it ended quickly
but overall gr8 effort... nice :D
The prospect of reading the story for the 2nd time created more horror than the story...
Neways, quite good for skul-kids....
-- Anonymous (Bt i guess u kno who i am..)
Awosome :D
as usual :P
but i did'nt liked the ending :o
as like what happened in jodha akbar :O
khade khade
The 'Suki' considering this is ur first brush with paranormal i must say tht u hv done an excellent job.It was quite engrossing but u did falter a bit in the end seems like a hurriedly written closing.Well its nt necessary to hv a white saree clad lady or blood sucking vamipres those typical sterotypes and m happy tht u hv done away with them.Pls tread the unchartered territory ,I hv X-files still fresh in my memory so much unique,scientific and scary at the same time.Looking frwd to ur next blog:)
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